Recently I've been asked a question somewhat frequently. What is it like being back? How's it going?
To be honest, I doubt that I can explain it adequately. When I was still serving my mission I heard every once and a while that returned missionaries describe it as feeling that it had been a dream, and the description is not a bad one. Try to imagine starting your life over again three times in three years. That is about how I feel right now. I can still remember that January three years ago. When I really cemented the idea that I wasn't happy with who I was, nor with what I was doing. I actually just went and read through a bunch of the posts that I wrote then, and remembered how it had felt.
But here I am again, still trying to muddle my way through another new beginning. It has actually been kind of odd, because I got home about two months before I could start up school again. So, I've been reading a lot, watching a lot of movies, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. And now comes the stressful part, starting up life again. I'm going to go from my calm, but busy in a recreational kind of way, life, to going to school, taking fairly difficult classes, working (hopefully) in what should be a very challenging job, and all the other things that come with being back at BYU instead of being in the middle of a social wasteland for people of my age. (Seriously. When I left church today someone told me "I'm sad that you aren't going to be here anymore, there is no one else my age!" Yes, there are two of us.)
I'm not exaggerating when I say that it scares me. There are just so many things that I don't know what to think about. For instance, moving into a new apartment, with three people that I don't know. I've done it before, and it turned out well that time, but you just never know! Even just starting back to school has me plenty scared. It has been almost three years! I'm not sure what has changed, what is the same. Starting a new job where I'll be trying to learn a bunch of things that I have very little experience with.
And then there is the biggest thing, I think. Though it is heavily related to the first one. Trying to make some new friends. As I read back over those blog posts from 2009 I think that the thing that most struck me was the amount of times that I mentioned my amazing friends. They where, and have been even since then, a huge support for me. And sure, there are still a few of them around, such as the Unconquerable Naazju and Mighty Kralc. But, they are also married now, and have an absolutely adorable little girl to keep them busy.
But then again, as I have said many times before. Many times we resist change only because it is different from what we are comfortable with, not because it is bad.
And I do feel a little bit like a friend of mine, when she said:
"bueno,,,, nunca crei k diria esto en mi VIDA ,, pero kiero entrar a la escuela,,,,,no se porque,, pero tengo un aburrrrrrimientooooooooooo en mi casa, todos los dias es lo mimo!!!!!! jajaja"
Well, except that I probably would have expressed it a little bit differently. ;D
Keep living!
Hope the transition to the "new life" is going even better than you'd hoped.
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